Start your story in the thick of it

Today’s readers have the attention span of a gnat.  No patience!  No appreciation of the written word! 

OK, you’re right, video games did it.  Or maybe it was CSI, solving all those crimes so fast.  Or maybe it was all that tedious buildup getting in the way of what’s immediate in your story. 

Folks ~ facts is facts and writers have to face ‘em!  Too many words is too many words.  Like they say in the movies:  Cut to the chase! 

Eliminate all that verbiage that explains the motivation of the tortoise and the hare.  You can come back around to it later.  We want to see the race. 

Don’t expect your reader to dredge through the deep and lengthy psychological explanation of what happened when the man was a little boy that makes him want to set his parents’ house on fire before he even stops at the gas station.   

Start with him in their bedroom, the spilled liquid, the fumes rising around him and the match in his hand.  After I’ve seen that, I’ll want to know why.  I’ll keep reading. 

What?!!  But I have to set the scene!  I have to give some back-story!  Otherwise my readers won’t know who’s on first!  They’ll be confused.  

Really?  Or do you just love your own writing so much that you can’t cut the superfluous? 

Be honest now, which of these story starters would keep you reading: 

Madeline Harris was dating an organic apple farmer from Lodi.  She drove a school bus in Moravia.  [Ho hum!  Not confused, but also, not interested.] 

Or, 

Madeline Harris showed up out of nowhere one night at Lucy’s Tavern and beat Hank, the owner, three times in a row at darts.  [Really!?  Who is this Madeline?  Is she married?  Why is she alone at night in a bar?]
 

******** 

Bill Kane had a lean, tough face and sandy-colored hair.  He had sworn off women since his last girlfriend.  [Zzzzzz.] 

Or, 

Bill Kane watched partly because Madeline was good-looking and partly because he liked to see Hank, his boss, lose.  [Hmmm!  What kind of man is Bill Kane?  How did his face get so tough?  What’s up between him and Hank?] 

[These examples excerpted and paraphrased from “later, at the bar,” by Rebecca Barry.] 

Today’s takeaway ~  

Don’t get all self-righteous and indignant about your “literature.”  

Jump into the action to snag your readers.  They’ll hang around for the back-story when your story’s well told.

Cut Those Adverbs!

A sure fire method for punching up your prose is to eliminate adverbs.

You do know an adverb when it insinuates itself into your sentence, don't you?  Let's have an example or two:

Which is better:

• The sun burned hot on Lothor's chest.
• The sun burned very hot on Lothor's chest.

I'm curious about Lothor and where he left his shirt, but a very hot sun is not hotter nor more evocative. 

Look at these two:

• Evelyn's flippancy made her mother anxious.
• Evelyn's flippancy made her mother extremely anxious.

The risk is that if a writer permits an adverb to speak, she will let it suffice.  Better to show mom's anxiety than tell us its degree.  What does an anxious mother do?

Which creates a clearer image?

• Timmy tiptoed nervously through the hallway.
• Timmy tiptoed through the hallway, holding his breath, eyes wide.

You get the idea.  Proceed without fear.  Cut those adverbs!  And Write Dream Writers!  Write!

Do you have examples of narratives you've beefed up this way?  Share them!